As I sit on the rocks overlooking the
sea everything seems
possible. Such beauty in the water, calm and serene one moment,
crashing ashore the next with all its power. Clouds come from every
direction. The dark and the light meeting in the middle, vying
for control bringing out the beauty in each other.
I have learned that each side
tells a story. One that I need to listen to, to understand the
illness I live with and must face each day.
The darkness whispers in my ear, “I am too
strong for you, I cannot be beaten.” In that moment I believe, faith in myself
falls to the wayside and I wonder if I will ever be “normal,” again. My
anxiety increases as I look the cloud in the eye, I know it is right I am not
strong enough for this. Sadness overtakes me and I slide down the wall,
sit on the floor and wonder how I got here.
Just when I am ready to give up the sun
speaks up, “Are you going to let the dark control you? Are you not going to fight?”
I look up, the brightness makes me smile, yet I am skeptical. Can
it be that simple? Walking outside I feel the warmth on my face
and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. I start to remember how far I’ve
come, and what I have done to fight this battle and survive.
The sun smiles and the cloud rumbles
in defeat. I look at them knowing they will always have a place
inside me; they will battle each other again and again. That I
cannot deny. While each believes in their power, I have to
know who I am and what I can do when the dark cloud stops by to talk for a
while. I cannot give into his lies and defeating attitude. The sun shines
on my face, my guide to battle the darkness, bringing me to the place
I need to be. The healthy, confident person I have worked
for and to be an advocate for others.
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