"U" is for Unity #atozblogchallenge

 “We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box.”

Unknown 

Unity, by definition, is a noun that refers to the state of being joined as a whole.  It also means agreement or harmony between people or groups.  The word is synonymous with oneness, concord, harmony, agreement, and union.  

The idea of unity comes to mind when I think of how mental illness is portrayed in the media, in books, movies and to the world in general.  I have to wonder whether the day will come when we are seen as equals, instead of outcasts in a community that has chosen to close its eyes to what we are capable of as human beings.  It is a sad state affair when the first words reports when a tragedy happens is that the person was suffering from a mental illness.  What they do not understand is that their illness was probably not the reason the event occurred, it is simply a way to place blame.  What should be broadcasted is the lack of treatment facilities, doctors, medication, research and people who are willing to find the reason behind why the brain works the way it does?  

I chose the word unity because it is my wish and hope that one day we will be able to come together, everyone with an equal understanding of what mental illness is and isn’t.  That there will come a time that it is treated as just another illness and not stigmatized, this stigma only creates  additional issues for those who live with it.  The lack of knowledge by society draws those who suffer further into a corner, to hide themselves from the looks, comments and fear of what will happen if they are found. 

It would surprise many to know how many people they associate with daily are mentally ill, you don’t know because we are forced to live in silence.  What we long for is unity with the world, the community, with each other and no longer feel the need to cry in silence because our minds just cannot handle much more.  

I feel sometimes this is only a dream, a fantasy my mind creates for itself to get through the toughest hours, but there is hope, there has to be. 

“L” is for “Let it go” #atozchallenge

This month's challenge has been fun and well, somewhat difficult to be honest.  There have been some letters that your mind seems not to want to wrap itself around, this was actually one of them.  I could only come up with "light," and what in the world would I right about that?  The answer came to be as I watched the movie “Frozen” with my grand daughter and listened to the words of the song “Let it go,” it hit home and my post for today was set into motion. 

In the movie, the main character Anna runs away to a secluded mountain to escape the world, not to hurt anyone with her magic that she cannot  control.  Reading the lyrics to the song, I put them into my thoughts on what those with Mental health face each day. 

“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see; Be the good girl you always have to be, Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know; Well, no they know….”

This is the first line that caught my attention; I have spent years denying my illness, doing everything I can to be “normal,” to fit in and go with the flow.  The truth is that only lasts for so long, and the truth appears.  I did my best to be like everyone, hide the truth about my childhood, the abuse and fear, and as I got older, I did what I could to hide the mental illness that was forcing my brain into what I had no control over.  It has taken 18 years since my diagnoses, to come to terms with it all and have the strength to speak out, because it is only by going public that people will know those with these illnesses do not create monsters, as the media portrays.   

“It’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through, No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free.” 

It is my time now, the opportunities in front of me to cause a change, to speak out and be the voice for those who are unable too.  I thought for a long time on how I can be the one to stand up and be the strong one, when there are so many days when I want to hide under the covers.  I believed there was no way anyone was going to listen to me, a single person in the midst of my own road to healing and stability.  What I saw was that in taking this opportunity, making it public I was freeing myself from my personal stigma, in turn giving myself the permission to be there for others. 

“Let it go, let it go, I am one with the wind and sky, let it go, let it go, you’ll never see me cry”

“Here I stand, and here I’ll stay, let the storm rage on.”

“My power flurries through the air into the ground, My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around, And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast, I’m never going back,, The past is in the past”

I learned as a child that you do not cry, the years of abuse that my brother’s and I were subject too taught us many things, and it has taken more time than I would like to come to the place where I can say, “Let it go.”  I won’t say there aren’t days when the memories creep back into my mind, and I am taken to the past but I cry in the darkness, alone never letting anyone see the pain that it can still cause me.  In those moments, I go for a walk, look at the trees and sky, becoming thankful that I have the opportunities I do and think of those who have lost their battle, whether it was abuse or mental illness and know that I have survived and now can speak out.   

Music is one of the many mediums I use to speak out; I write and draw as well all in an effort to both calm myself and make these illnesses relatable to others.  We are the same inside; those with a mental illness are no different in how they wish to live, there are simply a few extra obstacles. 

In the end, whether you have a serious illness or not, we all need to learn to “Let it go,” and be the person we want to be, no matter what anyone else says.

Blog on the Move

I have finally taken the leap and moved my blog to its own domain! All feel all "techie" and stuff now. I figured it was time to take the step and really make this blog work the way I want it to and to be taken seriously.

Exciting things are to come in the coming months, so I hope you will visit often.

The new URL is: www.myclutteredthoughts.com

It may take a couple days to be completely up and running, in the mean time my blog will be here. :)