Mental Illness and Faith

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I can remember it like it was yesterday what I friend told me while I was in the psych hospital – She sat with me that afternoon for what I was hoping for comfort, for prayer, for her to understand and continue our friendship. Didn’t happen. Instead I heard……..

“You lied to me, your life is out of control and you told me, convinced me that everyone was against you. What is and was against you is Satan, your illness and depression is only because of your lack of faith and lack of prayer.”

I sat there in shock and disbelief with a broken spirit. This woman, who I had trusted, was a strong Christian and had taught me many things, suddenly turned her back on me because I was in a psychiatric hospital.

What did her statement really say about her faith and belief in God? I think the Casting Crowns say it best in one of their first songs, “If We are the Body.” It tells the story of how those who believe and are called to spread God’s word are neglecting those who truly need a shoulder, faith and someone to believe in them.

This simple statement turned me against the church, once again. I believed in God and part of me wanted to continue believing, but I had been told by his “faithful” that I was not worthy of His love, because I was “sick.”

It would be four years before I took the leap again, trying to trust a new group of friends, the faithful who followed God’s word. Didn’t judge and actually helped me to find my faith and to know my illness was not a result of a lack of faith, but a medical condition and that God will give me the strength to face each day.

What are some things people have said to you when it comes to you illness, no matter what it is? Are they understanding? Are they rude and hostile?

Do you believe in God's power?

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How many of you believe in God giving us the knowledge we are going to need to help others?

I have a strong faith; I wouldn’t be where I am in this world with it. Things happen though that makes me wonder and make believe He does have plans for us.

Wednesday morning when I saw the brief news report of the car crash where a 17yo girl was killed I right away thought of my daughter’s friend. There is no reason for me to think of her, there is no reason to even suspect it. The name was not announced, only the minimal details. The thought bothered me, but the morning went on and I tried to put it out of my mind.

Then the call came, my thoughts were right – it was her. Amidst the sorrow and tears, I was totally taken back by the knowledge I was given. In talking with one of the guidance counselors, I shared with her the events of the morning – she told me, “God was preparing you for what was to come.”

Why was I entrusted with this? Why was I given this knowledge beforehand? It is an amazing amount of faith given to me by God – to watch over His children at this most difficult time in their lives.

The Uncertainty of Life - The Mind Struggles

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An addition to what I posted earlier today - I attended the viewing of my friend's mom's funeral this evening. We have all created such a bond, being there for each other is a comfort. Then I came home and checked my email - the news sent me into a downward spiral - I could only sit and cry. Another friend of ours, lost her husband in a car accident Friday night. The viewing will be Friday night. I am at the end of my rope right now, I did not have the time to call my doctor today - tomorrow I will be on the phone first thing. I can not take much more. Continue reading below for today's original post.

I received the news late Sunday night, a friend’s mom passed away suddenly – only a day after attending her grandson’s graduation.

For those of us who knew her, it is difficult to accept just knowing she will not be around. She was a large part of our high school years; we were looking forward to sharing a band reunion with her in August. Instead, we will spend time remembering our “second mom,” her devotion to us “impossible teenagers.”

When I checked the newspaper for the obituary, I discovered another friend’s father had passed away, what affected me about this one was – yet another person I knew had lost a loved one.

Since October 2006, I have attended 8 viewings/funerals. It began with my brother-in-law in October 2006, at the young age of 31 passed away suddenly after a stroke. Two months later, I took my daughter and her friends to the viewing/funeral of a friend of theirs who had been killed in a car accident the day after Christmas. In May of 2007, I attended the viewing of a friend’s mom, the next day attending a viewing of a friend from high school (the same day attending the Baptism of my nephew, who was named after my brother-in-law) Fast forward to 2008, attending the viewing/funeral of a friend’s dad in March, a viewing of my youngest daughter’s friend’s dad only 2 weeks ago, now will attend two viewings this week.

Personally I have had enough! I understand it is a process of life, it is God’s plan for us to stay on this earth for only a short time, but I’m tired. Maybe it’s the realization that I am getting “older,” and fragility of life is becoming more evident. When my oldest daughter became engaged last week, then gradated from high school last night it hit me that time has passed by so quickly and with each day the uncertainty of life becomes more of a reality.

I believe it is a mental challenge right now, as well as a faith challenge. Trying to understand God’s hand in all this and doing my best to trust that this all part of a greater plan for all of us. In the midst of that, I struggle to keep my mind focused – instead I simply want to sit and hide from the world. I contemplated calling my doctor this morning, asking for a refill of my anxiety meds – but have yet to dial the phone. Do I need to rely on the meds? I am tired enough right now, physically and mentally – the meds would only make me more tired, not sure how that would help. I have fought so hard to maintain my illness with minimal medication, I take only 2 now – the third for anxiety I try to avoid, but at times like these I wonder if I am doing more harm than good. I know the reality of this illness; I’ve been down this road too many times.

When I attend the viewing tonight I know the emotions will get the best of me, and the next couple days are sure to be a challenge. Will I call my doctor? Probably – though I want to fight this on my own, I am a realist and know that I need it sometimes – the alternative is not an option.

The Struggle for Happiness

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The goal for many is to be happy and healthy - unfortunately it also a struggle for about half the population of America. In interviews of 100,000 people, 47 % were said to be struggling and 4% were suffering. 49 % said they are content.

Those who are thriving are usually those with a higher income, more education and are healthy. In the case of those who are suffering, find trouble meeting even their most basic needs such as food, shelter and health care.

The U.S., while not number 1 in health measures, when it comes to well-being - we are not #1 either. Denmark tops the charts with 83% are classified as thriving, with only 1% suffering.

With this information there is hope that it can be used to help offer a healthier, happier society - on a personal level. Though the U.S. spends more on health care than any other country, the health care system ranks only 37th. This information can detect what is making us unhappy.

Can this help bring us the answers we so desperately crave? The hope that the everyday drag can be something more? On the other hand, is it the professionals that need to tell us what is making us unhappy? For most of us it is probably quite obvious - in these cases it is up to US, not some else to fix it. It is true we need assistance for medical cases, but our own happiness is in our hands.

I am not unsympathetic to those who live with depression and struggle most days to smile, I live the same way - with Bipolar Disorder invading my brain on a daily basis, it has taken me many, many years to get to a place where I know what is happening with me and take care of myself. It is possible, with a little faith.

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Good Riddance Day

I wish I had known about this last month, it is a great idea and one that I hope will catch on to become an annual tradition. (At the end of this post I have included the video by Green Day entitled, "Good Riddance (The time of your life)"



Every year as New Year's approaches, conversations turn to what we will do better next year, what new habits will be started and the hope that we will forget mistakes we've made. In New York City, the answer has been found. The Times Square Alliance, held an event on New Year's Eve called, Good Riddance Day. The idea is for people to shred a list of their bad memories or mistakes that occurred during 2007, getting rid of old baggage and be ready to start with a clean slate in 2008.

What better place than Time Square to start fresh?

A Beginning

What was, what is to come. I can’t imagine where I was a year ago, two years ago, 10 years ago. My life, life in itself was a crisis - not even sure I would make it through the next, but I did and here I am today. I am stronger and healthier with more hope and promise than I’ve ever had before. New Year’s is different now, I’ve felt the change coming on. I’ve never been one to the take age into account for anything, we are who we are no matter what. Though part of me still believes that and there is part of me that probably always will, I’m beginning and starting to feel old. I’m feeling like I’m part of a real world, the real world. I’m not hiding anymore in a fantasy world that doesn’t exist. In a world that I created for myself over the years. In that world I’m alone, I’m afraid. I exist merely to be a presence but not anything real. In my world, this world I created I kept myself where I could not possibly be available to anyone, let alone myself. In 7 months, 4 days, 15 hours and 25 mins I will be 40 years old. It’s a mile stone I guess you could say - it is a point in my life that I’m not sure I ever thought I’d see. I realized that I have a life, that I’m real and that I’m alive. This sudden realization that I am alive is amazing, the hard part is not being able to share it with anyone. At least no one here, they wouldn’t understand. It’s something that people who have not experienced true fear and pain in their lives, experienced abuse, being treated as nothing more than a being - not really a person, could understand. To feel really live is something that brings a new meaning to life. I can’t really explain it - but those who know, will know what I mean. A new year, new faith, new strength, a new heart to hear a new life and the promise of tomorrow.