What a Wallaby taught me about Bipolar Disorder.

 

Have you ever had a moment when things become a little clearer, you could relate a specific incident to what you were feeling?  I had one of those moments this morning; it was heart wrenching but triggered something in my mind, I suddenly realized that I was not alone in my struggle and I could learn something everyday on how this illness works and what others do to live with it and make the right decisions, or even how to live with the bad ones.  

 It was 6am, and I was driving to the beach for a sunrise walk, thinking of the sand, the sun and the quiet during the morning, when I saw them – the Wallabies  One hopped causally across the road; I slowed down knowing there was probably another not far behind.  Sure enough he was on the side of the road trying to decide if he should cross.   As we watched each other, he turned  back into the bush, or so I thought.   Watching him return to where he’d come from I continued on – well, he had a last second change of heart and turned to road as I drove past him, the two of us meeting in a split second, and I couldn’t stop.   I felt the bump, and in that moment and my heart sank.   I slowed looking in my mirror terrified at what I would see and what I had done.   However, he wasn’t there!   Where had he gone?  I was sure I had hit him.  

 So, what does this have to with Bipolar Disorder, you ask?   As I walked down the beach, thinking over the incident just moments before, I realized the Wallaby was as confused as I am sometimes, turning back and forth, not sure of the next step to take.  My mind jumbled, turning in circles as I figure out my following move.

 Hiding in the bush wondering if he should come out, is like hiding in a dark room afraid to go outside, to let people in.  What will they think?  If they see will they stop and talk, or will they just walk by.

 Standing on the side of the road deciding what to do, is the spinning mind and the uncertainty that plagues everyday actions.   Too many days are spent wondering what to do with the racing thoughts, wishing they would stop and focus to be on a single moment and action, if only for a few minutes.

Tires catching his tail are the risks taken – both good and bad.   When incorrect decisions are made, there are people who are hurt; there is a feeling of helplessness and seemingly no way to make it better.  The good is when a risk is taken and can stand tall, no matter the pain and press on determined to do the right thing. 

Wallabies, Kangaroos, Wombats and various other wildlife find their way on to the roads, and their struggle with survival, taking chances, relying on instinct to make the right decision is relatable to those with mental illness and challenges faced daily.   

There is no doubt. I will look more closely from this day forward, though that isn’t a guarantee of it not happening again, just like each cycle, I go through – as mania and depression collide – I will at some point come face to face with an obstacle along the road.

 

 

Dispelling the fear of Hypomania

I sit on the rocks overlooking the Tasman Sea as I write this, watching the waves come in, crashing below me.  Some swells reaching several feet, others a mere ripple, all of them though are amazing and powerful in their own way.  Nature directs their path and intensity, in a similar way our minds guide our modds and how the cycle we are in will affect us.  Hypomania, mania and depression - they come and go, each moment in time.

Do a search about Bipolar disorder and you’ll find thousands of results explaining every aspect from depression to mania, medication, depression and the lesser known hypo-mania.  My partner recently read an article about hypo-mania and how it is often a prelude to either a severe depression or more sever mania.  The beginning of the article reads like a warning label, “Hypo-Mania – Danger Alert,” and while the symptoms listed are correct, it should not be written as a warning of impending doom for those who may be just learning about Bipolar Disorder, whether it is the individual or their friends and family.

 

The reality is hypomania, yes can be a pre-cursor to a full blown manic episode or a depressive episode, there is no denying that; however, let’s look at it from another point of view.

·       Learn what hypomania is and how it is different for each person.  A blanket description only tells you what could happen.  You have to discover for yourself, with the help of a partner, friends and your doctor, what triggers your mood and what symptoms are dominant.      

·      Make a list of your symptoms, how they affect you and those around you.  Both the good and bad.

·      Keep track of how long the cycle lasts and what happens as it dissipates.  This is important as it will give you the information you need if you then become depressed or actions become more intense leading to a full blown manic episode.

a.    To monitor my moods I use a daily chart and track my level of depression, anxiety, mania and sleep.  By looking at these numbers I am able to see when I was up or down and can then correlate that with a particular event or see a pattern evolve over a couple weeks, or if the seasons have changed.  The seasons can play a large part in our mood cycles. 

·      The symptoms of hypomania without a doubt can be harmful, but that does not mean you should be protected from life and kept sheltered.

a.    If you have a history of spending money while manic, have a limit set on your credit cards and bank card, so you can only spend a certain amount.  If you are in a relationship and have a joint account, let your partner know how you are feeling.  This can be one of the hardest things to do, as when mania hits it feels good and the last thing we want is someone to take that feeling away. 

b.    Anger and irritability are common.  Try yoga to relax or writing to help clear your mind.

c.    If there is a tendency for promiscuity, have someone you trust be an accountability partner. If you go to a party, don’t go alone and have someone else drive who is aware of you illness and will be your “wing man” for the evening.

d.    Projects are probably one of the most common signs.  I can’t tell you how many I have planned, started and never finished.  On a good note it shows creativity and that we are alive and capable of many things, however, ideas can get away from us and accumulate quickly, leading to being overwhelmed and confused.  Make a list of your ideas and the steps it would take to achieve them and if you would be able to do it, even after the hypomania ends.  As hard as it may be, pick one or two to focus on for a week.  This makes it more manageable.  If after a week you want to try something else, stop one or both of the previous projects before starting the new one. 

It is important to not look at hypomania, or even mania itself and the ideas and projects that can come from them as all bad, they are things that you are obviously passionate about and are important, the problem is we want to do them all at the same time.  Learning to harness the excitement and energy is key.  It is possible, to use hypomania to your advantage as you get to know your symptoms, triggers and how you react to the cycles.   

As with most things, there is the good and bad, what it important here is to look deeper into the information you are seeking, there will be numerous articles all claiming to have the answer and telling you what to expect, take them at face value and see what works for you.  You are the one who matters and needs to educate not only yourself, but those around you as well.