Mental Health and the Supportive Partner

In early January 2016, while corresponding with a friend in Tasmania, I told him of my mental illness.  Being that open and honest and sharing my story with someone was terrifying.  Once I hit send, I was more than terrified at the email I would receive in return.  Would we still be friends, would I receive an email back at all?  I feared rejection, but it never came.  Instead  he asked questions and never judged me.  He listened to what I had to say, being more inquisitive than anything.  So, he did his own research and learned all he could on Bipolar Disorder and what he could do to support me. 

Here is what I wrote:  

In, '96 I attempted suicide and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. While there I received the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, anxiety and PTSD.  My mental illness is hereditary, my father was paranoid schizophrenic.  He never sought treatment and was a wanderer. My mom tells me I am just like him.  He passed away in 1999, a victim of his illness. 

I need my medication, it's reality and not a big deal to me anymore. There are days that are bad and days when the world is perfect.

Over the next few months, our relationship grew and we made the decision for me to make the move to Tasmania.  There was concern, of course, on how I would handle the change, mentally.  As we talked, we came up with a word, something I would say when I was anxious, depressed - when I needed help.  Our trigger word became, "home." A word that would bring the help I needed to combat the darkness and anxiety that  crept in when I least expected it. 

My biggest challenge was that I was alone and dependent on my partner.  I missed my family and friends, and some days wondered if I had made the right move.  I would go for a walk and see what was around me, the beaches, breathtaking sunrises and the love of my partner.  I knew it would not be easy at first, I had made a major change in my life, disrupted my structure and had to learn a new life.  In the first weeks I learned to drive on the opposite side of the road, a new money system and met friendly people.  Though I think some were more intrigued with the American in town.  

A few days ago I woke up depressed,  I didn't want to be out of bed, all I wanted to do was cry and I felt completely alone.  I picked up my phone and not realizing what I was saying, texted "I love you, hurry home."  Within ten minutes my phone was ringing, I had said "home."   In that moment I knew I wasn't alone, he comforted me and told me to get dressed and go for a walk, get some fresh air.  Two hours later, after a 2 1/2 mile walk, my mind was clearer and I was able to face the rest of the day.   I realized then that everything we had planned for, was working and I could ask for the help I needed. 

The message here is, find people who will support you, whether it is a spouse, friend or other family member.  Talk with them, tell them what you need when things are not going well, make a plan for what to do in those instances.  Plans need to be in place before a depressive or manic episode takes over.  This is when you will need a support person to help you find your way through the cloud of confusion.  

Taking the Positive Road to Wellness

The biggest obstacle when it comes to mental illness is often times staying positive.  How can you be positive when each day seems  like an uphill battle instead  of a pleasant experience?  The answer may not be easy, but it is possible

20 years ago when I received my diagnosis, I believed I could handle it. How ever, it took many years to be at a place where I could understand what the doctor's told me.  I'll be honest I still don't always listen, but I have a better understanding of what I need to do and how to stay well. 

The same mind that turned on me is the one that helps to keep me on the path to wellness.   Staying positive despite the symptoms that come with mental illness  but it is possible.  

1.  Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen to you, stand by you and lift up when you are down.  Hearing their positive words are difficult at times, but it's just what we need.  Don't push them away, no matter how much you want to, they are the ones who care and in time their words will make sense. 
2. Make time for yourself.  This one is  hard, as often we feel alone and the last thing we want is to be alone on purpose, but this is different.  Taking time for yourself, is doing what you want for yourself.  Forget about the world for awhile, find what makes you happy or what used to and do it.  You may have to push yourself at first, or even the first five times, but keep going.  The feeling of worth will come and boost your mood and confidence. 
3. Write! I can not express this one enough.  You do not need to be a famous novelist, or perfect with your handwriting and language, this is only for you.  Putting your thoughts on paper, helps clear your brain of all that clutters it up and brings us down. If you fear someone reading what you write, use a computer program that requires a password.  It is OK to be selfish at times. 
4. Get outside.  Yes, another big step!  Nature is one of the best anti-depressants there is.  In our 24/7 world, we do not get outside enough.  The demands of our lives, families and work take us away from what we need most.  Going for a walk a couple times a week will help you relax and clear your mind.  I used to walk quite often and looked forward to the freedom, but life took over and I stopped.  I saw the difference.  I am back now to hiking and the peace that comes with it is welcome. 
5. Go easy on yourself.   Easier said that done, I know.  We blame ourselves for this illness we live with, but it's not our fault. We didn't wish this on ourselves, like any illness some get it, some don't.  Society does not make it easy, the stigma keeps us quiet and hidden, it's not our fault.  Don't let their words take hold.  
6. Smile!  Even when you seem to have forgotten how to, smile.  It may feel fake, but do it everyday.
7. To me, the most important of all - Music!  Put on your headphones or turn up the radio and play your favorite songs and lose yourself in the melody, the lyrics.  Music has a power like no other, use it!

By taking care of ourselves  we have a much better chance of a positive life and once we have that, the sky is the limit.

B is for Barriers #atozchallenge

One of the biggest challenges (no pun intended) I have found with blogging for this month is that  there are numerous choices for each letter, I may end up having to write more than one a day.   The one that jumped out first this morning is barriers.  Yes, we all know those things we do or don’t do that keep us from accomplishing tasks, but all too often for those with mental illness it that stubbornness that leads to additional problems, though they may not be seen right away.  

In an article titled, Barriers to Mental Health Treatment: Stigma or Self-Sufficiency?, The reasoning behind this practice is looked at more closely.  It is an assumption that stigma would be the first reason why people do not seek treatment, surprisingly it ranks at number four, self-sufficiency is the top reason.   There is a profound belief that mental illness can be handled without doctors, medication and other treatments.  I can disagree with them because I have done that myself.  It took me almost seven years to realize that I could not take care of this my way; I believed I knew better than anyone else.  Eventually I realized I  had to look for help in other places and trust that the doctors I turned to would be able to guide me to wellness in a way I had been unable to do on my own. 

Another side to the self-sufficiency decision is all too often the inability to find the right doctor and medicine cocktail.  These two factors are probably the most common reason why treatment is cast aside.  I cannot begin to tell you the number of medications I have been on, over the last 18 years I have tried more medications than I could name.  Few have worked; however, many more have left me with side effects that I would not wish on my worst enemy.  The last one landed me in the emergency room with stroke like symptoms.  It was at that point that I told my psychiatrist; I was done with medications, and if I was to be treated, we had to find another way.  Her response, she referred me to another psychiatrist who has become a godsend, and we are using, ECT (Electro-convulsive Therapy) and TMS (transcranialmagnetic stimulation) to treat my illness along with CBT (Cognitive-BehavioralTherapy) with my Psychologist.  I still take two medications, and for now; it seems to be the right plan for me.   

We are taught as children to be self-sufficient, to find the answers on our own and follow a different path, we have to understand though that there are times when looking for a treatment alone is not the best plan.  Persistence is the first course of action and for some, it can take years, but when you find the right doctor, medications, and treatment it makes all the difference in the world.     

Additional reading:  What prevents people from seeking help