A Lesson I Keep Having to Learn and Relearn

In a perfect world we act, sometimes wrong, and when we do we learn not to do that action again.  We move on with life not really thinking about it again, chalking it up to one of life’s learning moments.

There are times though when, for me, that doesn’t always work.  There is that intellectual part of my brain that tells me, “You shouldn’t do that, you know what is going to happen and it’s time to step back and think first.”  Then there is a other side of the brain, the one that thinks it knows better and can control  everything, that  tells me, ”Don’t worry, we got this.”

Seems complicated, doesn’t it, actually it’s quite simple and it is in that simplicity that I lose myself and my logical thinking.  With my mental health challenges I know that I need to take care of myself in every way possible, the right amount of sleep, eat right, exercise, take my medication, but most of all I need to listen to my body and what my mind is telling me.  This lesson is one that was brought to the forefront recently and set me back a bit.

Working a part time job four or five days a week is OK, the hours are good and I have plenty of down time and freedom to focus on what I need to do.  However, a couple weeks ago they became shorthanded at work and asked me to come in on my two days off.  Of course I jumped at the chance, two extra days of pay, how could I turn that down.  My mind right away went to how much I could make with the additional days, what we would be able to do with the extra money – that was the focus, the extra money.  I wasn’t thinking about the affect it was going to have on me both mentally and eventually physically as well.  My normal five days suddenly turned into 12 days, it wasn’t until day 8 that it hit me and I realized what I mistake I made!   I had gone against my better judgement. 

Eight days in I was physically exhausted, I still believed I could do it, finish the next four with no problem, I had blocked the tiredness out of my head – dissociated you could say and kept moving.   When I finished my assigned days, I had two days off and collapsed.  I enjoyed the days off and knew that after that I would be on again for five more days. 

That’s when it hit me, I woke up that morning for work and a weight was on my chest.  The world was coming at me from every direction, conversations I’d had recently had suddenly became scenarios in my head where I was wrong and would be chastised for, and no good to anyone.  I was in the midst of a major anxiety attack.   For the first time in many months I took my anxiety medicine and went to work, wanting nothing more than to just be alone and let this pass, and jump start my brain again.

As you can imagine this is not the first time I have done this, felt I could take on the world and have no repercussions, and sadly it probably won’t be the last.  Each time, however, I can only hope that I get a little stronger, a little smarter and maybe a little wiser and know that I need to listen to not only my body, but my mind.  In my case, my mind is what is most important, if that happens to short circuit, the whole wall will tumble down and it will often take days to try and build it back up to try again.

Oddly enough, yes, there is a positive side to this.  I am learning, slowly and with encouragement that I need to take better care of myself.  Look at the bigger picture, i.e. myself, not what a few extra days of work will do for the bank account, think of what it will do to me.  It’s not selfish, its self care and knowing what it will take to stay well and available for friends, family and life in general. 

Creative Outlets to Battle Depression

One of the greatest outlets I found in expressing what I was feeling, the good and bad, was expressing myself creatively.  While I was accustomed writing and had kept a journal for years, other creative outlets were also available.  I found there was more freedom and opportunities to express myself and create something that could be shared with others.  I’ve always been a creative person; books were my refuge growing up, and writing was my way of expressing myself and making sense of the thoughts that would lodge themselves in my mind. 

In time, I realized I could put the two together, adding words what I was seeing either through a drawing, or more often photography.  While I tried my hand at drawing, I knew rather quickly it was not my forte, a talent I was not given.  The camera, however, let me express myself, how I see the world and at the same time help me focus my energy on something positive. It intrigued me and became a passion. 

 

I could take my camera and see what I was missing, I mean really missing.  The sunrise, sunset, the way the water moved across the river or the waves crashed onto the beach during a storm.  Each picture told a story, held an image that could explain a feeling, a thought, a memory, hope and promise of a new tomorrow. 

There are many mornings when the last thing I want to do was get out of bed, but I get up, grab my camera and I'm out the door.  Often I merely throw on a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt, glamorous I know, but I say this to show that it’s not easy; I would be horrified for someone to see me.  However, as the sun would rise, I began to shoot, moving from one spot to another to catch the reflection of the sky on the water, or the seagulls taking flight against the sunrise.  I would stand in one spot for 10 minutes or more waiting for the waves to crash on the rocks in just the right way.  Excitement was suddenly driving me to find something that no one had seen before.

Once I returned home, I would put the memory card in my computer and find I took 200 or more photos.  Then the real fun began – looking at each one hoping I could achieve what I had set out to do.  The pictures would give me a sense of purpose.

Some may say I am still hiding, using my writing and photography as a cover, but what I see is a way to bring joy to others, along with showing that sometimes even on the darkest days, pen and paper, or a camera could be just what the doctor ordered.

With some apprehension, I have begun to my photos on social media (www.instagram.com/minds.eye.photo) and have been surprised by the response.  What began as a way to clear my mind and battle my depression, is becoming a business and one I hope to be able to use to show, not only those with mental illness, but everyone, that there is hope and that there are many positive ways to combat the demons we face and see the beauty in life.  Let's be honest, whether you have an illness or not, there are days when you may find yourself depressed and frustrated, we are all the same. 

I don’t claim to have all the answers, I know what has helped for me, and I hope it can work for others.  It is not fool proof, yes there are days when it gets the best of me, and I may not move from the couch, but I also know that there is hope, and it is possible to beat what takes away our lives.

Taking the Positive Road to Wellness

The biggest obstacle when it comes to mental illness is often times staying positive.  How can you be positive when each day seems  like an uphill battle instead  of a pleasant experience?  The answer may not be easy, but it is possible

20 years ago when I received my diagnosis, I believed I could handle it. How ever, it took many years to be at a place where I could understand what the doctor's told me.  I'll be honest I still don't always listen, but I have a better understanding of what I need to do and how to stay well. 

The same mind that turned on me is the one that helps to keep me on the path to wellness.   Staying positive despite the symptoms that come with mental illness  but it is possible.  

1.  Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen to you, stand by you and lift up when you are down.  Hearing their positive words are difficult at times, but it's just what we need.  Don't push them away, no matter how much you want to, they are the ones who care and in time their words will make sense. 
2. Make time for yourself.  This one is  hard, as often we feel alone and the last thing we want is to be alone on purpose, but this is different.  Taking time for yourself, is doing what you want for yourself.  Forget about the world for awhile, find what makes you happy or what used to and do it.  You may have to push yourself at first, or even the first five times, but keep going.  The feeling of worth will come and boost your mood and confidence. 
3. Write! I can not express this one enough.  You do not need to be a famous novelist, or perfect with your handwriting and language, this is only for you.  Putting your thoughts on paper, helps clear your brain of all that clutters it up and brings us down. If you fear someone reading what you write, use a computer program that requires a password.  It is OK to be selfish at times. 
4. Get outside.  Yes, another big step!  Nature is one of the best anti-depressants there is.  In our 24/7 world, we do not get outside enough.  The demands of our lives, families and work take us away from what we need most.  Going for a walk a couple times a week will help you relax and clear your mind.  I used to walk quite often and looked forward to the freedom, but life took over and I stopped.  I saw the difference.  I am back now to hiking and the peace that comes with it is welcome. 
5. Go easy on yourself.   Easier said that done, I know.  We blame ourselves for this illness we live with, but it's not our fault. We didn't wish this on ourselves, like any illness some get it, some don't.  Society does not make it easy, the stigma keeps us quiet and hidden, it's not our fault.  Don't let their words take hold.  
6. Smile!  Even when you seem to have forgotten how to, smile.  It may feel fake, but do it everyday.
7. To me, the most important of all - Music!  Put on your headphones or turn up the radio and play your favorite songs and lose yourself in the melody, the lyrics.  Music has a power like no other, use it!

By taking care of ourselves  we have a much better chance of a positive life and once we have that, the sky is the limit.

"V" is for Vignette #atozblogchallenge

For today’s blog post, I decided to share a small snippet of my book, “Thoughts From A Cluttered Mind,” with you all, after all V is for Vignette.   The story is a journey of my struggle with mental illness, abuse, PTSD and how I came out the other side, a bit battered and bruised but wiser and ready to take on the world that was my enemy for so many years.  

“Click, slam, click.”  

The sound of the door locking terrified me as I walked slowly down the hall. 

“How did I get here?” I said out loud to no one, the suicide note was just for attention, just so someone would listen and take me seriously. 

I knew that part was only partially true, I had written the note for attention, but I also knew there was part of me that was ready to call it quits, Up until that afternoon to the outside world; I seemed a normal wife and mom.  Inside my mind, however, a storm was brewing, and I was caught in the middle of it.  It is these feelings and realizations that ran through my mind as I walked through the front doors of the psychiatric hospital that late July night.  I had reached the bottom, and found myself admitted to the mental hospital, I say call it what it is, a place for those who were crazy and couldn’t deal with reality, at least’s that how I felt as I walked down the hallway.

I wouldn’t get any answers from anyone tonight. Their only concern was keeping an eye on me, so I didn’t make another suicide attempt.  Tomorrow I would see about getting out of here; this was a misunderstanding.  A million thoughts ran through my head as I stared at the cold white ceiling, maybe if I just go to sleep, I will wake to find this to be a bad dream. 

It would be a night of interrupted sleep; my mind playing back the movie of my life and what I was seeing terrified me, I couldn’t escape it.  The memories had started, and I was nowhere near ready to face them. Instead I sat on the hard mattress and wrote, the words flowing out of me like a waterfall.   

 (journal entry) So, I hid.  I hid behind the walls thinking I was safe from the outside world, but I was not.  I was safe only from myself, for the time being.  I liked the comfort of knowing I wasn’t alone, that people understood me.  Outside the walls, the windows, behind the shades and curtains, there was a world that could not understand the confines of my brain.  They will never know what it’s like to sleep at night and pray you won’t wake up, that the loneliness will be over, and I would understand the truth that was in my mind.  Instead, I would wake up and find nothing has changed; I was alone.  I still had the desire for some sort of normalcy, and that I feared would never come.  If it did, would I notice it? How could I?

"C" is for Mental Illness and it's link to creativity #atozchallenge

Throughout history, it has been said that many of the most prolific writers, artists and musician were
often alcoholics, drug users and/or mentally ill.  With this information, it should be no surprise that research has been done to see exactly how true the beliefs are and the results are unanimous; there is a link between mental illness and creativity.  Now, that’s not to say everyone who drinks, smokes, does drugs or is mentally ill will become the next Ernest Hemingway, but many researchers and psychiatrists believe there is proof that there is some adjustment in the brain that while it may not work correctly in society's opinion, there is certainly something incredible going on. 

BP Magazine published an article titled, Bipolar and Creativity  - Is there a link?  Lord Byron, van Gogh, Virginia Woolf,  are only a few that are believed to have some form of impairment, and it worked to their advantage.  It mentions in the article that, author Kay Redfield Jamison, PhD, psychiatry professor at Johns Hopkins University, argues that a highly disproportionate number of artists and writers are depressed, suicidal, or manic, that the bipolar and artistic temperaments often overlap, and that those temperaments are causally related. Having a link to greatness may fight stigma and improve self-worth for some, but does the link between bipolar and creativity really exist, and is it a gift? 

While the piece goes into much technical detail and banter back and forth of the connection, from personal experience and what I have read I am a believer in the connection.  The written works of Ernest Hemingway and Abraham Lincoln are prime examples of what our minds are capable of in some of our darkest moments. 

The link between Bipolar Disorder and Creativity can be based on many things, from our extreme depressions to uncontrollable highs.  In those moments, the brain is over stimulated and everything seems possible.  The color's outside are brighter; the mind works faster, and the words that appear on the screen are clearer and more powerful.  In my own experience, it is in these cycles that I can write and create without abandon, there is nothing to hold me back and something in my brain is triggered that I cannot explain.

To many, I know it will sound strange, but do the research and see what you find you just might be surprised at how many of us, there are.

Additional reading:  11 Historical Geniuses and Their Possible Mental Disorders

Lessons in Art Therapy

It has been more than a year since I posted to this blog, my illness decided it was time to shake me up a bit and stop being so complacent about my treatment and how I dealt with my mood swings and medication.  It has taken a little more than a year to get myself back to where I am able to live again, but it has been a bumpy ride and one I am ready to share and hope that others can relate to and find hope in.

Lessons in Art Therapy

I had to keep the knot in the wood open and exposed; every part of me wanted to cover it up and hide it.  That flaw reflected every part of me and why I was there, covering it up would make it go away, at least that was my theory.  However, she was watching me closely, with each piece of tissue paper I placed on the block she made sure I was following her directions.

What was so difficult about putting paper on a block of wood and leaving one spot uncovered?

The closer I came to finish my project the more anxious I became, the more aware of the knot and the way it stood out.  Everyone could see the beautiful colors that were blending together; it was a work of art, but turn it over, and there it was – my illness staring them in the face.  That’s when it hit me, by leaving that small piece exposed I was allowing the world to see my secret, I was granting them permission into my very private battle, and it was not OK.

The media had already painted a picture of who I was, supposedly, and I did not believe I had the strength to change their minds.  The piece of wood sat on my desk for a few weeks reminding me of what everyone would no know, but each I looked at it became more and more clear to me that what I was hiding was ME! 

Mental illness has always been the illness no one talks about, the one that is skirted around and whispered in the darkness.  Admittance all too often brings loneliness, loss of a job, friends and freedom to be who you truly are.  THAT is what I learned, I could no longer hide behind the façade, I had to live.  The media has the power to convince people that something is very bad, but it also has the power to change people’s minds about at topic and with the piece of wood on my desk, I decided it was time to stop hiding, to stop running and start fighting back.  I realized that more often than not unless you tell someone they may not know that you have a mental illness, and you are hiding for nothing; they already accept you and if they are a true friend, they will continue to see who you really are even after the reveal.

It is my hope now that I am able to help others see that the knot they are hiding is not something to be ashamed of, but something to embrace.  These illnesses are not easy; they take our life to places we would rather not go, but together we can fight and each day is another opportunity to show the world that mental illness is not a bad word, is not scary, and we are not monsters. 

I have Depression and I am alive!

Image via Wikipedia

For those with mental illness, from the time the words come out of the doctor’s mouth it seems to define who you are, the illness becomes all you think about, hear about and write about. It seems to take over your every waking moment – but in the midst of it all, you can’t forget who you are, yet that seems to be the first thing we lose – our identity.

Some of that may come from society in general, mental illness, to them, is who we are. They can’t see past the words, the image, and the actions.

What we need to do is to remind them that we are people, no matter what. We just fight to show people the true face of mental illness – wouldn’t they be surprised if saw the truth.

If you live with severe depression, or know someone who does keep these things in mind – write a note to them, or to yourself to remind you who you are, the person that is inside because there will be days when you will find yourself lost and wondering where your life is going.

2008 leads us into the unknown.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Back in January, which now seems like an eternity, I had great plans for this year. I maintained 4 or 5 blogs, working to keep each of them up to snuff. I was working for a local newspaper and doing some freelance work on line...

Slowly all these things came to a crashing end, some because I was taking on too much and had to realize I was only human. Some because I had to get a “real job,” in order to help pay the bills at home since we had just bought a house.

For nearly 6 months I fell into a cycle of work, blogs falling apart, leaving the newspaper and freelance work suffering terribly.

I could chalk much of this up to my “cycle” as my psychiatrist would call it, which could partially be true. Or the simple idea that I could everything and when I realized I can not, it all falls apart.

Last month, in November, I had the realization that I miss writing. I went back to the newspaper, restarted two of my blogs and recreated my photo blog. (Currently, under construction) and slowly working on a new website for my freelance business. I did learn however, to be careful. I have found several freelance jobs that I would like to tackle, apply for – but through experience know that taking on too much will have terrible consequences – in many ways. So, I must take it slow – which is SO not my nature.

So, what do I have planned for 2009 – ah, for right now I am not completely sure? I want to take my time a do this the right way, not too energetic, not to simple a totally manageable. OK, I can dream – in some way I know it’s not reality, a plan is one thing – keeping to it is another.

I began tracking my moods, which has helped considerably - I know when and why many of my moods occur. For those who have continued to read through my sporadic posts, I thank you.

Here is to a wonderful 2009!!

Related articles by Zemanta

• 6 Freelance Markets for Hard Times

Zemanta">

Back to "Blogger"land

I look back on the posts I have made over the last couple months and have seen a common theme - time has gotten away from me. My thoughts and ideas for posts have gone to the way side, replaced by work, work, work, bouts of mild and severe depression, anxiety and sheer exhaustion.

I still have the ideas for posts, many written, and plan to continue the original plans for this blog in the coming weeks and return it to the status it was originally intended for, sharing the world of mental illness with all who stop by, a look into the life of someone with a mental illness and more importantly the important stories from around the world.

How do you deal with bouts of depression? We all face them at some point, though many people will not admit it. By sharing strategies with one another we can help those who feel lost, or unsure how to approach their difficulties and sadness.

One thing I have found to work, not only for my depression but for stress and anxiety as well is, taking some time for myself, writing and focusing on something I enjoy. It does work, though not fool proof.

Thank you to all who have continued to visit over the past months, I apologize for my "disappearance."

Where did summer go? Where have I been?

Image via Wikipedia

I have sat here the last couple days wondering what to write to get my blogs back up to where they should be. It was only a couple months ago, before school let out for the summer, that I had plans, dreams and goals. Today, however, it is more of a fight to keep my head above water.

With my doctors blessing I went back to work, keeps me busy and has been a challenge to maintain my sanity, sometimes on a daily basis. As the summer has come to a close I find myself wondering where the time went, work seemed an easy thing to fit into my schedule, after all the girls were out of school - I only worked a few hours a day and then I had the evenings for myself.

Ok, maybe it was my medication that made me think it would all work out that way, but I thought it would work. Now, at the end of August I am hoping to simply squeak through next few weeks with my sanity in tact.

For anyone with Bipolar, you know what I'm talking about. Those fun little hypomanic episodes when you fly through the house cleaning all you can, then 30 minutes later are reaching for the phone to call the doctor because you can stop crying and feel like the world is closing in. Yeah, the last week has been like that.

In my defense, I have gotten a few things done - I have reworked my blogs (at least on paper), made more plans for when school starts again and "I have time." If anyone has an idea of how to keep on track, keep on task and actually follow a plan - let me know, because after about 3 weeks I lose all concept of what I was attempting in the first place.

So, from my cluttered mind - I find myself at the end of summer, no further ahead of where I was back in June. Well, there's always next time...........

Related articles by Zemanta

• 7 Ways to Enjoy Summer This Weekend

Regular Sleep Patterns may help Bipolar Disorder

Image via WikipediaWith the daily advancements of technology, we are constantly learning about mental illnesses and what makes the brain do what it does.

It may be surprising to some, those who believe anyone with a mental illness should be drugged so as to not harm anyone or themselves, that there are many non-medication treatments that are more effective.

What is important is that while medication is necessary, it does not work alone - pills themselves will never "cure" any illness or disease. In the case of BiPolar Disorder, according to research, patients who followed a regular routine and sleep pattern seemed to go longer without a new episode, than those who were given clinical management. This information is vital, showing primary care and/or family physicians can effectively help in maintaining treatment plans.

Also according to the study, by helping those with BiPolar keep a sleep schedule and wake time - this balances the circadian system helping receive the right amount of sleep and cut down on daytime exhaustion. The increase of these periods of exhaustion and/or sleeplessness often increases the chance for an episode of mania or depression.

It seems so simple, get enough sleep and you can combat the ever existing issues that plague those with Bipolar. This is not a cure all, but can help when medications do not seem to work on their own.

Can We Diagnose Schizophrenia With Noise?

Image via WikipediaI was a bit skeptical when I read this article, but I must say whether I agree with the results or not, the idea that research is being done and these illnesses are being recognized is, in itself, a blessing.

The Yale school of medicine conducted a study that looks at the tendency to take a meaningful message out of meaningless noise. The idea of the study is producing a "matrix of unreality" can trigger the initial phase of Schizo-spectrum disorders. With this knowledge it may be possible to detect the early signs of Schizo.

Studies of 43 people already diagnosed with symptoms of social withdraw, mild perceptual alternations or misinterpretation of social cues. The participants were given either the drug Zyprexa, an antipsychotic used to treat Schizo and BP, or a placebo. With the medication or placebo given, the participants were given headphones in order to listen to text read by 6 different people at the same time. This created difficulty when it came to comprehension; with the words of any sort of consistency being increased, such as children, A-OK and republican.

After the text was read, 80% of the participants who "heard" phrases of 4 or more words in length developed Schizo-related illness while not on the medication Zyprexa. However, there were also 6% of the participants who did not hear the same phrases, who developed Schizo.

As is to be expected this is not an exact science and is not meant to say this type of screening will be used to note early development of Schizo, but there is hope that with early diagnosis, earlier treatment is not far off.

"Do it yourself" Bipolar Tests (sort of)

Image via Wikipedia

For generations the mere mention of mental illness was accompanied with whispers, locked doors and secretive hospitalizations. It was something to be feared and hidden from public knowledge, after all, they were "crazy," and admitting such a person in the family was unacceptable.

Fast forward to 2008, mental illness is in the forefront of research. It is unfortunate that it took so many lives before people took notice, but as many people will notice - it takes a tragedy before something is done. Welcome to reality!

When it comes to Bipolar disorder, people become confused - including those who live with the disorder. Imagine trying to explain to someone that today you are the happiest person alive and taking on the world, while tomorrow you will struggling to get out of bed and think the world is closing in on you. It's enough to make your head spin.

Recently a doctor in San Diego announced he discovered several gene mutations that are related to the disease, commonly known as Manic Depression. With this information in hand, he created a genetic test that can be used at home to diagnose BP.

Can anyone else see a disaster in the making here?

While I understand his idea, many people are reluctant to go the doctor, there is still a stigma attached to seeing a psychiatrist - however, with a "do it yourself" test, where does treatment enter into the picture? BP needs to be controlled either with medication or counseling, sometimes both in the beginning. The availability of a take home test is anyone can claim they are BP and use it to their advantage. Have you seen news reports lately? It is the in thing; I did such and such because I am Bipolar. Yeah, and I am the King of England! Now, don't get me wrong there are things that are done by people who are seriously mentally ill - I do not doubt that, but when someone uses it as an excuse that is when we have problems. In his defense, the doctor at the head of this test, admits BP results from a combination of things, genetics does play a part, as do life experiences. The genetics does not mean someone will develop the disorder, just as a history of cancer in a family does not mean everyone will have it. There is a thin line and these home tests are crossing it.

For those wishing to use the test, patients will receive a plastic cup my mail which they spit into, seal and send back to the company for analyzing. In hopes of avoiding self-diagnosis, results of a persons test will only be sent to their doctor. However, the report states that the is available for Northern European whites, with behavioral issues and at least one person in the family with Bipolar Disorder. So, by this definition – the test will pretty much only show if someone has the chance for Bipolar because of a genetic connection.

For the most part many people live with a wide range of mental illnesses and no one, other than close friends and family may know it. I know this, it's what I do. I learned the hard way you do not make it public knowledge! People do not accept are not very kind! I now keep it too myself, there are people who know and they accept me and my limitations. I take medication and see my psychiatrist every few months. But playing on people's anxieties only leads to trouble.

The New Face of a Nervous Breakdown

Image via WikipediaNervous Breakdown, not a word that is heard much anymore, today we have names that are more specific to what was once referred to as a Nervous Breakdown. In the 1950's and 60's, having a nervous breakdown was a polite way of saying there is a problem, and we are taking care of it, and would refer to everything from a bad day to a psychotic episode. The idea of mental illness being spoken out loud was unheard of. Today, things are different. The advances in the field of psychiatry that have been made over the years, along with public knowledge is encouraging people to talk about topics that once were only whispered between family members.

In the 19th century the "cure" for a nervous breakdown consisted of rest, isolation and/or preventing all stimulation. The 20th century brought hydrotherapy, electric shock treatments, insulin treatment or a lobotomy. During these periods of time long-term commitments in institutions were common. The 1950's brought a new anxiety medication, Milltown, and marketed to both men and women in an attempt to calm women's nerves and pressure men felt at work. It was marketed with the idea that modern society was moving too fast for those who had been sheltered from the realities of life. Today treatments can include antipsychotic medications, people are now more educated and willing to approach their issues head on and not hide behind code words and silence. They are more likely to seek support groups, medication and focus living a ‘normal’ life.

In 1952 there were only 106 mental disorder listen in the DSM, today in the 4th and current edition includes 297 listings. The code words have not completely disappeared though, in Hollywood it more often referred to as "exhaustion," when stars and musicians find themselves "in trouble."

It is common knowledge that everyone has a point where they just feel they can not take anymore; they reach their "breaking point." It is not a secret or abnormal, everyone has that point where they just need to take a break from life. In many cases, a day off to relax and do things for yourself are what are needed. For those who need something more, it is no longer seen as a bad thing, there is more understanding and help available. We just need to seek out that help.